This post was started at the end of spring of 2017 and I am now publishing it for the public to see. Please note this is just my thoughts written down so it may not make sense to anyone, I choose to share the journal entry because it may be helpful for others to know they’re not the only one struggling in their relationships with the Lord and other people around them.
Son fight, the devil sees the damage your writing is doing to him and he want’s you to quit so dig your heels in and fight back.
God was right then and He’s right now I must dig my heels in and fight back, especially when my flesh wants to take over wanting to follow the desires of the flesh. I cannot allow myself to be caught up in the web of doubt anymore. I do believe God has a lot to share through me. I mean as of lately when I get ready to write I ask the Lord to speak through me, yes, some of the post is about my life but more importantly I try to allow the Lord the opportunity to display His workings throughout my life.
Now granted I’m still new to allowing the Holy Spirit to have full access to my life and obeying the direction the Holy Spirit directs me too. My hopes are if even one person can find relation to what I share here @ S4C, and my main hopes are they turn their life over to the Lord then I have done my Job for the Lord…But my ambitions are much higher than one person because my hopes are I can relate to many individuals and help the Holy Spirit guide them towards the light of freedom and if my suffering will help with that process then so be it!!!
Yes, I have a ugly past, a past of abuse growing up and to be honest writing Journal entries online was the last thing I thought the Lord would have asked of me and it’s because I grew up as such a shy person. So when the Lord asked me to write an online journal I thought for sure God was crazy at first because I thought no way! I am not sharing online my personal struggles because I was afraid of sharing my thoughts and stuff that goes on behind closed doors.
I recently had a dream/nightmare where something bad was chasing me on land and I had only one option and that was to jump in the water full of poisonous snakes and I have a great fear of snakes so I told the voice I heard that said jump there was no way I was jumping, but the threat on land became worse and I decided to jump and as I swim through the water the snakes ended up becoming dead around me and when I awoke the Holy Spirit gently spoke to my heart to not fear when the Lord asks something of me instead be dead to fear for God didn’t provide the spirit of fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
I knew deep down the Lord was speaking about something He recently ask of me and I was fearing to push forward and after the dream/nightmare I realized that I needed to push forward regardless of my fears about the situation, as I pushed forward I saw how the Lord almighty had gone before me to make a way to conquer the situation at hand.
I have since become more mature when it comes to completing the things that the Lord, asks of me, regardless how I feel about it. Fear wise I have learned that I must be dead to fear and and trust the Lord with all my soul and I must trust the Lord when He has gone forth and asked me to write an online journal, I must trust the Lord and not fear what others think of me or try to shape their thoughts through my writings because of fear of being disliked. I have to remember that the Lord Jesus Christ wasn’t liked at times but He continued to push forward and care for souls regardless and I must have the same attitude as well.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for being by my side as I share my personal thoughts, thank you for helping me not fear but instead push forward in your precious name Jesus Christ, amen.