Please note this is just my thoughts written down so it may not make sense to anyone, I choose to share the journal entry because it may be helpful for others to know they’re not the only one struggling in their relationship with the Lord and other people around them.
This is my journey God has placed me here for a reason, the reason at this point is unknown but my hopes are they become known through the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I am not here by mistake like my earthly parents may feel. No, I have a purpose through God I must remain patient to discover such calling(s)…I do know I am here to spread the gospel. But how do you do that via social media in this day and age? I mean everyone, well, not everyone but majority is self-absorbed and either mute you or unfriend you in the long run which makes it harder to share.
I do sense a calling to evangelism but I find it so hard at times to speak encouraging things about God, it may be because I don’t know God very well yet that my mind is always drawing a blank. I feel like I am still a baby Christian and yet I have been through so much in the past year alone. I do know I got through it because of God Almighty and His strength because if not I would have been still stuck within the confines of those circumstances.
It seems in the world of today it’s much easier to spread the gospel compared to the biblical days, but it’s also easier to drown out the truth over social media with false teachings I like to refer to as (lies). Also how do you bounce back after your families character has been tainted by other people’s words? I know I must trust God for restoration but it is hard to trust a God I cannot see on a daily basis. I mean the people I know and have trusted have hurt me some way or some-how in the long run. So needless to say my trust has been shattered many times over and it has caused me to distrust by default and I know this is hurting me in the long run because I have no interest with wanting to know the Lord on a better or bigger scale because I’m afraid of being let down or hurt in the long run. This also affects me sharing the Gospel with others in person or online.
Lord please search my heart and remove the junk also please help me to trust again and also to have the desire to want to know you on a more personal level Lord. Amen.