It was the summer of 2011 that I begin my Christian journey because of the events that had prior took place in my life, I mean a Christian paramedic when I was on the verge of death at the age of 16 then in my mid 20’s my dad had lived a life of redemption and then a stranger that was an obedient Christian spoke life through the guidance of the Holy Spirit to me. Even though I was a new born Christian I had struggled well into 2017 with a porn addiction that I felt I couldn’t even escape and now I’m almost 6 months sober because of God healing me in this area of my life.
I try my best to be a soulja for Christ and I felt lead by the Holy Spirit to share a glimpse of my past and my present. By far this year alone has tested my faith with many unforeseen circumstances . God knows me best and He knows I dislike failure and the unknown elements of life, but I have grown to become a more mature Christian alone this year compared to any other year. I did feel like throwing in the towel many times because that was my default attitude for the longest time and even though I did go astray for a period of time God had not abandon me like I thought he had. I’ve come to learn that without God in my life I’m really a no body with a story to share, but you see I am sharing this story (my Story series) because I do believe their is others out there struggling with their walk with God, they may be at a point in life where they either hate God or believe God hates them or both.
It is by far the furthest from the truth God placed many individuals on this earth like myself because we can become powerful testimonies for others to relate to. When I started to write the my story series I begin to notice that I still have a lot of soul healing to complete because I had ran from God for so long. In the end it’s not worth running from Him because we as individuals cannot hide from God and the individual just becomes tired and worn out.
God has brought me a long way and I believe there is others God is bringing forth in their own seasons. God is like a farmer He plants the seed through others and through the leading of the Holy Spirit then he patiently cares for us as we grow and mature, For some this may take longer than others. For me this would be the case because I refused to adhere to the promptings of the Holy Spirit for so long out of fear of failing before God. But you see we cannot really fail God because he already knows our pit falls and He’s right there with a helping hand reaching down to help pull us out from the deep pot hole.
While writing the previous post I broke into tears because God had brought revelation to me and I also realized there was still area’s of my life that still needs deep healing. I do believe God will heal me on His timing I just need to not get in the way of that timing by being obedient to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Today I did just that because I felt the emotions swell up and I allowed them to flow through my tears even though I was sobbing hard at times and crying out why Lord why? I still knew deep down God hand my back and had not forsaken me, but I had forsaken Him for so Long. I had forsaken the Lord out of fear of rejection because I have received so much rejection in my life span.
I can honestly say God hasn’t rejected me once, but I have rejected him out fear of rejection because I mess up from time to time. I have since learned to trust God through baby steps and not to try and run from God when I make a mistake because I would think oh boy God is mad at me again. God has allowed things to happen in my life recently that left me with the choice either trust him or run. I choose to run by default and it didn’t work out I was miserable because I choose to run away. Since I have chosen to take baby steps to trust God through faith and I have notice the weight of the world hasn’t been upon me.
I may have lived a rough life growing up and partly in my adulthood but I wouldn’t have it any other way because it has help create a better version of me as well allowed me a story to tell others. I give all glory to Jesus Christ because with out Him I would not even be here to type this testimony.