Many don’t know about my childhood. So I would like to tell you about it so here we go. I was born in August, my mom did not have a name for me for three days so I was baby Jane on the third day after I was born my mom was listening to a song by Dolly Parton and that song made her think about me and so I got the name (Jolene) by the song. When my mom brought me home from the hospital the abuse started shortly afterwards where I was neglected on many levels by the time I was close to a year old my mother threw me down a flight of stairs in hopes it would kill me, but God had other plans for me. By 1 1/2 years old I was outside in the middle of winter in a dirty diaper waiting for my mom to let me in the house but she did not she had closed the door knowing that I was outside. So to keep warm I found the old fridge outside and crawled in the wind blow the door shut and I was in there for hours. Until someone let me out and in the house to get warm. As time went on she got a new boyfriend and he was a jerk and very mean.
From 2 1/2 years old to 5 he would molest me and my mom would not stop it at times I think she did not stop it because it kept him around more often and she liked that. There was one time I was mad and hurt that my dad was not around to help me, my mom did everything she could to stop me from throwing a fit I remember throwing things at the window and hitting the window with my hands and she showed me what would happen if I were to go through the window but I did not care I wanted my daddy. So she asked Ted to take care of it she could not do it anymore. So he did by giving me a black and blue eye and told me to stop or worse was going to happen to me. I remember my moms face when he hit me, she had it by then and kick him out. I remember telling a family friend what was going on and they did something about it. I was 5 years old when I was taken from my mom and put in the care of the state. My mom lost her rights to me and that is how I ended up in one foster home then in the present family I am with now.
My childhood was rough and as I got older I begin to think that God hated me and I was undesirable to have around at times. I just wanted to end my life growing up because I couldn’t handle the pain within. I wanted to die so bad that I carved the word die in my arm and it became a sore remembrance of my troubled past life but that’s where that road ends and the road of victory begins because I did finally fall unto my knee’s and asked the Lord into my heart and this is why I’m sharing my troubled past now with you, because I believe there is other people out there that need the encouragement. God is not fully restored me but has restored enough to share this part of my childhood with you.
I no longer live with the pain that I shared with you, instead I now live knowing I am not trash in God’s eye’s. Yes, the Lord allowed me to go through things but that has some to do with humans free will and their free will was to harm me. I believe in my heart that the Lord was shouting stop the abuse every time I endured it. My heart goes out to people with a troubled past and my hope is by sharing part of my childhood with you that it will show that others are not alone in this world that is full of pain and suffering.
God truly cares for you, even though you may not feel that way I encourage you to open your heart to him share your frustration and hurt with Him, He can surely handle it.
I would like to also encourage you to say this Simple Sinners Prayer and invite the Lord Almighty into your life
Lord I come before you today with a broken heart, Lord, I am a sinner and I forgive others for their transgressions against me and I ask for my transgressions to be forgiven as well. Lord I believe in my heart that your Son Jesus Christ, died on the cross for my sins and suffered because you love me. So Lord please come into my daily life and refresh my spirit through your spirit the (Holy Spirit) Amen.
If you just said this prayer please share with us in the comment section because we want to rejoice with you!