I was watching a video and I sensed the Lord speaking to me, about how I once tried to take my own life, but how yet I’m still here because God has a purpose to fulfill. So this is my story.
It all started at a young age, my dad was a drug addict and a drunk and he would beat me daily, he would tell me, son you will never mount up to anything, ever… I begin to believe the lie because I heard it so much. when I became a teenager I was on a mission looking for love and I had this twisted sense that sex was the answer, so I would chase after broken women because I knew they were easy to get into bed with. This lead to a lot of heart aches because I was chasing after the loose type of woman and they were not dedicated to just one man, heck I cannot say back then that I was dedicated to one woman either. I joined a gang at a young age because they promoted family-hood, but I learned quickly that it wasn’t so true, but by the gang rules you’re in until death. So I became dedicated to my gang color and I did what was asked of me, but it all come down crashing around me one day.
I was dating this teenage girl and behind my back she paid my friend to pop my condoms and she ended up pregnant, because she thought having a child would complete her life… at the age of 16 she received her emancipation papers and she left me and married a 22 year old man that was her dad’s friend before she had the baby… I tried to fight for my rights, but because she was married before the baby was born and the baby took on the new husbands name I was stuck in limbo with no rights. (A lawyer told me so) At this point I was facing I was in a gang until death and I wasn’t going to be able to see my child, so I took an over dose of some very strong medicine. My mother came home from work and saw me laying on the ground barley breathing so she called 911.
By the time the ambulance made it to the house I had lost consciousness, the paramedics gave me medicine to counter act the medicine already in me and I gained back consciousness, but I was in and out during the ride to the ER I remember the male paramedic was praying over me and I admit I was offended by it. The male paramedic whispered into my ear hold on God has a purpose for you! By the time I made it to the ER I coded and I awoke to a nurse on top of me pressing my chest in then the same nurse switched to pressing the bag hooked to a tube in my throat. I wasn’t at the ER very long and I started to feel funny and I coded again. I remember having a out of body experience but I couldn’t see anything I could just hear. I remember the doctor was giving the nurses orders and the doctor said do it stat because they were losing me, that is when I became plunged into a dark tunnel and I begin to endlessly fall and I could sense my body getting hotter and it started to feel like my flesh was melting, at this point I hollered out Lord if you’re real please save me; then this big giant hand reached down the dark tunnel and pulled me up and I awoke on the hospital bed. Before I took the over dose I had a passion for the art of writing and now due to brain damage my grammar sucks, but It hasn’t stopped me from writing about my story!
My point is this I once thought I was in control of my life, and because of it I made a big mess out of my life, but God had a purpose through all that mess and I’m here today to tell about it… So I want to encourage you if you’re going through something tough right now just know others have been there too! and God has your back it may not seem like it, but all things work out for His glory. So I encourage you to allow God to have full control of your life today, it won’t be easy; but it will be worth it in the long run.