Journal Entry For 2/20/16

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Wow Lord, earlier this week you allowed the opportunity for me to minister to someone in need of your love. I was able to talk to the person and come to a compromise, because at this point the person doesn’t believe you love them, but they were open to taking a hour a day for the next month to read the Bible with me. How awesome is that Lord! Lord, even though I may not feel I am the right person for this task, you of all people believe I am, So Lord, I’m going to take the leap of faith and trust you know what I’m doing with your guidance of course.

Lord, when I took the spiritual gift test I ranked high with leadership and encouragement, Lord I am nervous I already became nauseous, because I’m afraid of  failing you. Lord I need not to be afraid of failure, but this person said they’re only giving one chance, to show them in the word that you Love them. Lord, I know it’s not my place to change or convince them of your love, it’s the job of the Holy Spirit, but I don’t want my carnal flesh to screw things up like it has with others in the past. I have learned from those mistakes but this person knows my track record of starting something and quitting not much later, because they’ve witnessed it on countless times with me. Lord, I know I’m not that person anymore, but their convinced I still am. They’ve admitted to me that they have a thick wall up and believe their wall is unbreakable, again I know Lord, that is not my place to break it. So Lord, I come before you to ask for the calm spirit of mercy to flow through me, meaning Lord, help me get out of the way and allow you to shine through me.

Lord, I have read and watched stories where people asked you into their lives and ministered to many individuals the next day. Lord, I have head knowledge about the bible, but I don’t have a clean track record of applying that knowledge into my faith walk with you Lord, I mentioned recently I want to have an authentic relationship with you Lord, I truly do and if you feel I’m ready to sit down for the next month and read and discuss the bible with this person, then I must accept that honorable task and push beyond my comfort zone and help this person, that is in need of a person willing to hear them out and be their friend when they have a track record of pushing people away out of fear because of the fear of rejection.

Lord, I understand this behavior because I was once like this as well, Lord I can relate to this person’s inner wall habits, this actually gives us both common ground to relate to, because I’m currently working on letting my wall remain down,  this person has admitted to me that they’re afraid of leaving their comfort zone, so Lord please help me to be gentle with this person, I ask of you Lord for patience as well because I can become frustrated easily, because I write better than I speak words… Lord with your help I can defeat this speech issues Amen.

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