Edited: I realised a few sentences became deleted and have fixed it.
I got a chance to watch the war room with my wife Bella, I’ll admit I cried and I very seldom do during movies, but this movie struck a chord with my inner spirit… I realized during the movie that my relationship with the Lord and my wife could and should be better than it has been.
I realized without God I am nothing. What I thought I knew about being a husband I realized in many aspects I could do better with the guidance of the Lord… So one of my many goals for 2016 is to become a better Godly husband towards my wife and for God out of obedience of what scripture says how a husband shall treat their wife. God has blessed me with such a beautiful wife, she has endured a lot from me, and yet she still finds the good in me even when I cannot find or see the good in myself.
A little Back Story
I use to think that I had to have the most beautiful woman on my shoulder and live the american dream living life as an upper class citizen and for the most part I did live out that desire and it all come crashing down very quickly. I lost my wife Joy, and my job all in the same day. I came home from work to find my wife Joy, at the time in bed with another man, my best friend actually. she left me for him and I gave Joy, another chance when she came back asking for another chance, but I became fooled really quick for she was up to her same games as before, so we got a divorce… I meet Bella and we became friends and she taught me about God, after I became divorced we started to date and Bella has been my wife ever since then and yes we did get married by a pastor encase anyone was wondering if we’re truly married or not. Bella came into my life during my lowest point and lent a ear for my broken heart. Bella wasn’t about replacing my wife our becoming my girlfriend she, truly wanted to show God’s mercy to me, when no one else would. This is why it struck a chord in my heart because I thought about Bella’s actions while watching The War Room.
I was a very broken person and I refuse to allow others into my inner world of feelings and this hurt Bella, because as my wife she wanted to reach out and love me, but also help me. For many years I upheld my wall and wouldn’t let her in. after my dad died I played the Pink Floyd Another Brick In The Wall on repeat and this harden my heart further and on a deeper level. This song had a very negative aspect in my life.
My point is this, my wife even when we were just friends, would go to her war room and pray for me as well others she, still does to this very day… I have watched her over the years grow closer to God through prayer because of her faith and obedience. Don’t get me wrong she is far from perfect and she has her struggles at times and her faith has been rocked to the core many times, but she always seems to find the strength through God even when it’s just enough to stand back up and then she relies on the Lord for rest as He, fights battles for her. Through my wife I have learned what a true relationship with the Lord, is and I hope I can translate that same type of true relationship with the Lord through my online journals. Because I truly want an authentic relationship with you Lord, I have my war room where I meet daily with you Lord and my hopes are through prayer, faith, and obedience I can also grow closer to you Lord, and not push you away like I have before when I sensed you calling out to me for a deeper relationship than what we currently had at the time.
Lord this post has sat in the drafts for months because I had a hard time writing about my past as well my feelings, Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to write this post in your precious name Amen.