Please note that as a Christian we do fall at times but the most important part is being willing to strive to get back up and fight when life throws curb balls at you. this post is a reflection of my struggle to carry on and redemption in the end.
Teck: Lord do you have a Moment?
God: Yes son I always have a moment for you! What is on your mind?
Teck: Well, Lord I have been running away from my struggles and everything seems to be crashing around me. 😦 Lord I tried to trust you and I feel like I’m being punished by you.
God: Oh son of mine I’m not punishing you, some of the struggles you’re facing is because of the decisions you made and your facing the consequences of such decisions. On the other hand there is certain things I’m asking you to walk through with faith to help better you. 🙂 Son, you need to stop running to your comfort zone because it’s harming you in the long run, I know the things I’m asking of you pushes you from your comfort zone but it’s for your own good in the long run.
Teck: Lord I just don’t feel like I can face the pain right right now I have so much going on in my life right now, so why are you allowing me to become overwhelmed? 😦
God: Oh precious son of mine!!! you’re feeling overwhelmed because you’re avoiding my yoke for my yoke will bring relief. You’re trying to do everything through your own strength and you’ve drained yourself and are running on fumes…Oh precious son of mine please come home and I will refuel your spirit with unimaginable strength. Life may hurt right now but my grace will never fail you.
Teck: Lord when ever I choose to give trust I always end up on the hurt side. I’m tired of hurting and I’m at a point in my life where I’m at the crossroads where I must decide if I going to throw in the towel with you or walk beside you. Oh Lord I must admit that throwing in the towel makes sense to me right now and I cannot pin point why. I feel like I have no fight left in me.
God: Son, you’re right where I expected you to be for now, for I know all things about you. Yes son you’re a wounded soulja right now and the devil has brought forth a feasible argument why it’s best to throw in the towel with me, but I can assure you there is lies mixed with the truth because that is how the devil plays his mind games. Son, I am not going to beg for you to stay because that would be going against your free will. Son, don’t get me wrong I would love for you to decide to live for me and walk beside me, but I am a loving Holy parent that will wait expectantly for your return. Regardless how you feel my love and grace will never change for you. 😉
Teck: Lord, I feel like the weight of the world is upon my shoulders right now and I feel like you have placed me upon this course. I know some of my decisions aided me feeling this way. But I cannot get over the fact that I feel that you’ve abandon me in my darkest hours.
God: Son, I would never abandon you, you’re feeling this way because your running instead of digging in your heels and choosing to fight back. I created you to be a mighty warrior just like David, you have to decide if your going to believe that fact or continue to distrust me. I know your father broke promises to hurt you, and I didn’t draw you in with the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 to hurt or mock you in the long run. The course is set and I will not change it because it makes you feel uncomfortable, if you decide to trust me in the long run you will see within right timing that I was looking out for your best interest.
Teck: Lord, all I have ever known is to run and it’s a comfort zone I am familiar with. I know you didn’t give me the spirit of fear, but I must admit I fear the outcome of the future for it looks so grim right now.
God: Son, you must not focus on the now for you don’t know what the future holds, it may look grim right now and the outcome could be totally different than what your physical eye’s can see. Son you must become blinded first so you can learn to see through your heart which is the vision of God, also son, you cannot rely on feelings for feelings are fickle at best.
Teck: Lord I know I’m suppose to be a Soulja of Christ, but I cannot seem to get past these wounds I am facing as of right now. I made the decision to remove the armor of God, because I felt like I didn’t have the strength to carrying it upon me anymore. It’s obvious that my struggles are trusting you Lord and the other obvious struggle is I’m running from you and your strength.
Oh father God, I do want to live for you, but this depression has me, in a dark place right now and I don’t have the strength to climb out of this hole of depression, please Lord save me, from the pits of self pity, I’m sorry I denied you Lord and I’m sorry I ran from you. please forgive me and restore me, Lord for I am broken and distraught. Lord I am at the end of my own rope and I’m holding unto threads from that rope. Lord I cannot shake the feeling that I need you in my darkest hours but I find myself to prideful to lower my inner wall. So Lord, please break down the inner wall and help restore my faith in your precious name Amen.
God: Son I heard your prayer and consider yourself forgiven and your prayers answered, son I need you to believe that your prayer has been answered and that I am restoring you, but I also need you to dig your heels in for the devil see’s the damage your causing him, and he’s trying to destroy you because of it. Son I need you to see through your heart from this point forward and fixate your thoughts upon me and you will become restored.