Lord I’ve Made A Mess I Cannot Fix It

Teck: Lord,

God: Yes son,

Teck: Lord for so long I have pushed you and my wife Bella, away. I realize now I need you Lord and your guidance to be a spiritual leader to my wife before I can step into leading others to you Lord.

God: Son, I hear your cry for help. I need you son to not run away anymore I know your afraid of becoming the man I created you to be. Son you’re right you must first come back to me and learn how to lead your wife spiritually before I can walk you into any other leadership role in life.

Teck: Yes Lord I am afraid of messing things up and that is why I have been running from such responsibility. I do want to become spiritually feed so I can become stronger with becoming the man you created me to be. Please show me how to be a leader in my own home, but more importantly guide with how to be servant towards my wife in a way that leads her back to you and helps cultivate her God given gifts.

God: Son, I am willing to show you the proper way to be a servant that leads your wife through an example. Son you’ll will need to place your cross at the forefront and become willing to slay your flesh daily, for your flesh will get in the way for your flesh is selfish. Son, place your focus upon me above all other things and I’ll walk you among the shadows of the valley of death and you will walk with victory.

God: Son, I will set you free from your inner prison so consider yourself free indeed and now go forth and live in that freedom that my Son Jesus Christ has paid the price for. Son, I know you can do this through the name of Jesus Christ, and I can as your Lord restore you and your marriage. You must be willing to surrender everything to me first for I need your full attention to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit. Son, it wont be easy at times but rest assure I will be there to walk you through it.

Teck: Father God, I am ready to receive your calling upon my life for I have made such a mess out my life, Lord I come before you and surrender all to you and I ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit’s, leading upon my life. Please forgive me for running away for so long.

God: Son, you’re forgiven! go forth and walk beside me and I will guide you into a prosperous leadership role with your household and among others. Son, please remember when I ask something of you it’s because I can foresee the future and I have defeated the curb balls that life will throw at you.

God You Were There In My Darkest Hours


Thank you Lord, for being there for me in my darkest hours, even though I tried to run away your grace remained upon me pulling me back from the edge. I can see now I must allow myself to become blinded from seeing with my eye’s upon my circumstances and look through the eye’s of my heart. Lord I admit I was running back to my comfort zone because everything that is going on in my life right now was pushing me into the unknown, but it’s not unknown to you Lord and that is what counts I must learn to trust you Lord, even when it seems scary to. Lord before the foundation of the earth I was elected to be a child of yours Lord, and I should see that as high honors.

Lord you never abandon me, I had abandon you in my darkest hours and I’m sorry for doing so, so please forgive me. Lord you’ve made it quite clear what I must do and I must follow with faith and action and ask I of you that when I feel like running away again to gently remind me of the troubling mess that I had cause by doing so before.

Lord you’re like the gentle yet stern parent when I need the gentleness you give it, but you’re also stern when I need correction and I refuse to accept it. I cannot thank you enough for not giving up on me in my darkest hours when I needed you the most, even though I almost threw in the towel with our relationship you gently reminded me why I needed you Lord in my life still. Lord, my gratitude is beyond words and I will never be able to find the words to express my gratitude either, but I know you already know the level of gratitude I have towards you and that is enough.

Lord, I have ran away for years and I thought it was the right thing to do because I knew nothing else at the time, but you were always there coaching me along with the Holy Spirit to stop running and try to push forward. At times I would take baby steps then run away again but you were always waiting for my return to cheer me on telling me I could do it with the guidance from the Holy Spirit. Yes Lord I admit what I am going through right now is hurtful at times but I can rest assure that you are with me all the way. 🙂

Prayer: Lord I Have Made A Mess Out Of My Life


Lord I come before you, asking for your forgiveness because I have made a mess out of my life and I see no other way to fix it other than rely on you Lord. This is by far the hardest for me right now to trust you Lord because I have never really put forth trust for trust has always got me hurt in the long run. I know Lord you tell me you won’t hurt me, but I have hurt myself with the mess I have caused not trusting your way over mine. Lord please forgive me for this. Lord I come before you beyond broken and I ask that you revive these broken bones for my spirit is distressed and I know I cannot move forward without you Lord.


Lord all my life I have placed trust upon my own ability to remain afloat and yet I find myself sinking. Please help me for I am drowning upon my messy life and it seems beyond fixable if I remain my focus on my circumstance. Lord please help me to fixate my thoughts upon you and not the mess I have made in your precious name Lord amen.

Stand Strong And Fight Back

Recently I had fallen into a deep depression and I allowed myself to fall into the pit of self pity. I could either choose to stay there or stand strong and fight back. I must choose to fight back for if I don’t the depression will just keep me in a downward spiral. I like to listen to the book of Psalms when I feel depressed because the author speaks about looking upon God instead of the circumstances which can help further the depression.

For most of my life I would either run or lay down and accept wherever the depression would take me, and at times it takes me to dark area’s of my life. My life does consist of a dark past, but the past shouldn’t be the focal point but I find myself going there at times. This struggle leaves me feeling more depressed because I dwell upon all the mishaps and mistakes I have endured. I am an child of God, so why I’m I not living like one? I believe it’s because I have a hard time letting go of the pain from the past and I cling to the inner wall of so called protection instead of looking to God for protection.

I must learn to practice trusting through faith, because it’s the only way I can move forward as a Christian. I have found myself lately feeling like I’m at a lost without God, and I find myself hungry for God’s attention but I do nothing to feed myself the word of God, at times I find I allow the business of life to get in the way as an excuse and it must stop. I must take time to read the word and soak it in while I meditate upon the word as well my prayer life needs to become more active. I find myself at times repeating the same prayer words like it’s okay to do so and it’s not.

I am a soulja 4 Christ in the midst of transition I say this because as of recently I was ready to throw the towel in with walking along side the Lord and I had decided the latter of continuing to follow Him and walk beside Him, well, now I must back that up with action of faith and stop running from God. He hasn’t abandon me, yet I feel like he has at times, but the truth of the matter is I have abandon Him, when I decide to run away, hence why I feel abandon.

I do truly love the Lord, but I find it’s easier to focus on my set backs then to place my focus upon the Lord and allow myself to leave the comfort zone I call “self protection”. I need to allow the Lord to have full control of my life I say this because as of right now I feel like my life is spirally out of control and the only promising anchor that looks solid is God Himself. I can no longer be double minded and say one thing and do another. I mean I can feel the pull from within to accept the greatness of God, but yet I continue to fight against that feeling and it’s making me feel miserable from within.

I really need to come to terms with the fact God is not going away no matter how much I run away or try to hide from Him, I say this because He, is everywhere and there is no place to run and hide. So I should just accept the uncomfortable zone because God is calling me there and He’s asking me to not hesitate getting there.  God has made it quite clear to me He will not change the course because it makes me feel uncomfortable instead God is coaching me to step into the unknown which is known to Him and trust Him with bold faith. Either way I must come to terms with the fact God is trying to help me and I’m fighting that process. Why I’m I fighting the process, I believe it’s because of the hurt I have endured in my life span. But I must come to terms with letting go of that pain and receive the love and grace coming from God Himself,


Lord Do You Have a Moment?


Please note that as a Christian we do fall at times but the most important part is being willing to strive to get back up and fight when life throws curb balls at you. this post is a reflection of my struggle to carry on and redemption in the end.

Teck: Lord do you have a Moment?

God: Yes son I always have a moment for you! What is on your mind?

Teck: Well, Lord I have been running away from my struggles and everything seems to be crashing around me. 😦 Lord I tried to trust you and I feel like I’m being punished by you. :\

God: Oh son of mine I’m not punishing you, some of the struggles you’re facing is because of the decisions you made and your facing the consequences of such decisions. On the other hand there is certain things I’m asking you to walk through with faith to help better you. 🙂  Son, you need to stop running to your comfort zone because it’s harming you in the long run, I know the things I’m asking of you pushes you from your comfort zone but it’s for your own good in the long run.

Teck: Lord I just don’t feel like I can face the pain right right now I have so much going on in my life right now, so why are you allowing me to become overwhelmed? 😦

God: Oh precious son of mine!!! you’re feeling overwhelmed because you’re avoiding my yoke for my yoke will bring relief.  You’re trying to do everything through your own strength and you’ve drained yourself and are running on fumes…Oh precious son of mine please come home and I will refuel your spirit with unimaginable strength. Life may hurt right now but my grace will never fail you.

Teck: Lord when ever I choose to give trust I always end up on the hurt side.  I’m tired of hurting and I’m at a point in my life where I’m at the crossroads where I must decide if I going to throw in the towel with you or walk beside you. Oh Lord I must admit that throwing in the towel makes sense to me right now and I cannot pin point why. I feel like I have no fight left in me.

God: Son, you’re right where I expected you to be for now, for I know all things about you. Yes son you’re a wounded soulja right now and the devil has brought forth a feasible argument why it’s best to throw in the towel with me, but I can assure you there is lies mixed with the truth because that is how the devil plays his mind games. Son, I am not going to beg for you to stay because that would be going against your free will. Son, don’t get me wrong I would love for you to decide to live for me and walk beside me, but I am a loving Holy parent that will wait expectantly for your return. Regardless how you feel my love and grace will never change for you. 😉

Teck:  Lord, I feel like the weight of the world is upon my shoulders right now and I feel like you have placed me upon this course. I know some of my decisions aided me feeling this way. But I cannot get over the fact that I feel that you’ve abandon me in my darkest hours.

God:  Son, I would never abandon you, you’re feeling this way because your running instead of digging in your heels and choosing to fight back. I created you to be a mighty warrior just like David, you have to decide if your going to believe that fact or continue to distrust me. I know your father broke promises to hurt you, and I didn’t draw you in with the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 to hurt or mock you in the long run. The course is set and I will not change it because it makes you feel uncomfortable, if you decide to trust me in the long run you will see within right timing that I was looking out for your best interest.

Teck: Lord, all I have ever known is to run and it’s a comfort zone I am familiar with. I know you didn’t give me the spirit of fear, but I must admit I fear the outcome of the future for it looks so grim right now.

God: Son, you must not focus on the now for you don’t know what the future holds, it may look grim right now and the outcome could be totally different than what your physical eye’s can see. Son you must become blinded first so you can learn to see through your heart which is the vision of God, also son, you cannot rely on feelings for feelings are fickle at best.

Teck: Lord I know I’m suppose to be a Soulja of Christ, but I cannot seem to get past these wounds I am facing as of right now.  I made the decision to remove the armor of God, because I felt like I didn’t have the strength to carrying it upon me anymore. It’s obvious that my struggles are trusting you Lord and the other obvious struggle is I’m running from you and your strength.


Oh father God, I do want to live for you, but this depression has me, in a dark place right now and I don’t have the strength to climb out of this hole of depression, please Lord save me, from the pits of self pity, I’m sorry I denied you Lord and I’m sorry I ran from you. please forgive me and restore me, Lord for I am broken and distraught. Lord I am at the end of my own rope and I’m holding unto threads from that rope. Lord I cannot shake the feeling that I need you in my darkest hours but I find myself to prideful to lower my inner wall. So Lord, please break down the inner wall and help restore my faith in your precious name Amen.

God: Son I heard your prayer and consider yourself forgiven and your prayers answered, son I need you to believe that your prayer has been answered and that I am restoring you, but I also need you to dig your heels in for the devil see’s the damage your causing him, and he’s trying to destroy you because of it. Son I need you to see through your heart from this point forward and fixate your thoughts upon me and you will become restored.


Praise Report / Prayer Request

Praise Report

A few months ago I asked for prayer for my wife Bella, because she had a hole in her ear drum. Well, I happy to report that God Healed her ear and the hole in her ear drum has closed up.

Prayer Request

I have some unspoken struggles I would like to ask prayer support for. At this point in life I’m at a crossroad and I’m facing some unspoken struggles that I’m struggling to get through so if you could please lift me up in your prayers. I would like to thank anyone that prayers for me in advance.

Rise Up And Become A True God Driven Soulja


By Teck,

Please note this is my latest journal entry and a reflection of my walk and struggles of being a Christian.

In my last journal entry I mentioned about some struggles I have gone through. Well, I have had time to reflect on those struggles and after watching an couple Joyce Meyer’s videos with my wife I begin to realize as a revelation that I can rise up from where I am at, because God is on my side but more importantly God lives within me and the very Holy Spirit that guided Jesus Christ guides me as well.

I don’t have to remain focused on my circumstance for God has already gone forth before me, and has already corrected the outcome of those circumstances. For far too long I allowed myself to be defeated because my focus was on those circumstances and it begun to tear me away from having a relationship with Jesus Christ, I was so focused on my circumstances that I begin to doubt the power of the Holy Father in Heaven. Lately God has been bringing a certain word to me which is “dry bones” at first I was puzzled by this and then it dawned on me that I was a fallen soulja and God was telling me He could revive me and that I could rise back up in the name of Jesus Christ.

I first had to admit I had fallen and was falling away from Christ Jesus, but I wasn’t finished off like the devil would hope. No instead the Lord had spoken life back into my dry bones meaning “my spirit”  now I must live with the gratitude that God has not given up on me, and the only way I know to live out of gratitude is to turn my life over to Him fully. I can no longer live life for my desires, but I must align my life to God’s desires which is His will, It’s only fair since His Son Jesus Christ, died for my sins as well as yours.

By Far being a Christian is not easy at all and it’s because we must face hard facts about oneself and learn from those facts so we can become more aligned with God’s thoughts for us. I mean I have the free choice and free will to choose to live for the Lord or not but I also must be willing to accept such consequences or outcomes of my choices.  I can either deny God and He’ll deny me if I continue to deny Him until my death or I can allow Him, to live within me and guide me through life struggles and correct me when I make mistakes. I’ll tell you here and now I rather choose living for God and have His guidance then continue to face the circumstances in my life alone.

Yes I claim to be a Soulja 4 Christ, but I’m also still in training so I am not the perfect soulja either. God isn’t looking for perfect souljaz either, He’s looking for souljaz that are willing to follow His will and obey His guidance. This is where a Soulja 4 Christ, can make a real difference in other peoples lives, granted we as souljaz plant the seed of life and the Holy Spirit cultivates the seed of life in the individuals life. But it’s our obedience that helps the Holy Spirit reach out to others that are hurting in this world.

I use to think that my accomplishments were the accolades to focus upon, but the true focus should really be placed upon the Lord’s will and guidance in our lives, I say this because we are walking bibles and the only bible some individuals will ever read until they as well become a faithful servant of Jesus Christ. Now when I say walking bible I’m referring to our actions behind closed doors and around other individuals. If we cannot remain true to ourselves and the Lord behind closed doors then the Lord will evidently expose the falseness that a person is displaying. God has exposed me in a public way before and I went before God on my knees and  repented for being a fake Christian before others. God says that our actions will display the fruits of our labor and if we’re being fake in front of others they will begin to see those fruits because they won’t match with the fruit of life that God freely gives to His obedient servants.

So Bothers and Sisters I encourage you to exam your life and allow God to enter in to your life fully so He can guide you and help correct the area’s of your life that need correction. Yes, it won’t be easy at all at times But God reassures us through Jeremiah 29:11 that He’ll guide us down the correct pathway.

Thank you for stopping by, if this content inspired you please consider sharing the content with your circle of friends so they can to become inspired as well. 🙂

God Bless